“Daughter, we have finally found a husband for you. He is a well-educated young man and he comes from a good family. And most importantly, he is very respectful to us. So your marriage has now been arranged, no need to fret anymore, in six months you will be Mrs. Amanpreet Singh, after which you will be living the remainder of your life on a farm in India. Best of luck!”  

No, that order doesn’t fly as well as it used to.

In the western world, and increasingly amongst second and third generation immigrant children as well, arranged marriages have become a social taboo, much like tattoos and body piercings. Yet it is cool and rebellious to cover oneself with permanent pictures and acquire holes in various places, but not so much to ask your parents to pick out a wife for you. In general, arranged marriages are regarded as a backwards and ancient trend with no chance of success, while suppressing love, individuality and women, and used as a last resort for parents with ugly children.  

Why is such a widespread and advocated phenomenon in the eastern world so repulsive in the west? What is so strange about people who have raised you and know you best to recommend to you a partner, with only your best interests at heart? 

To answer these questions one has to understand the true process and function of an arranged marriage in retrospect of the modern world: 

Myth: A daughter has no say in who will be her life partner and will therefore be auctioned away to the highest bidder, much like cattle or sheep.

Fact: In fact, whether male or female, every person can and must have an input. Unlike picking a favourite ice cream flavor, or deciding whether or not to commit suicide, choosing a spouse is no light matter. In the end, the final decision must be made by the bachelor or bachelorette in question.  

Myth: The arranged cannot communicate with each other. They must not come within visible range or attempt to send pigeon carriers with secret messages, or else the union becomes tainted with the I-saw-my-wife-before-we-got-married sin and all is lost.

Fact: Communication and encounters are both encouraged. Compatibility cannot be determined unless the Romeo and Juliet can meet and talk. If all goes well, then after a period of time they can resolve whether there is enough chemistry in between them to jump the broom. If Romeo turns out to be the alcoholic 8^th dwarf who Snow White hid in the cellar, then ditch the guy and find another. The point is that all interactions should occur respectful of societal, parental and religious expectations. 

Myth: The only thing a family looks for in a girl is her ability to cook and clean, and her willingness to produce a cricket team’s worth of children.

Fact: Unless a girl gets really lucky, that’ll be the only things to consider. What parents wants for their son is much like what his friends would want: intelligence, courteousness, and, yes, even beauty. All things considered, the most important factor that could make or break a deal is a girl’s education. Arranged marriages are not for high school dropouts who have nothing better to do but get married, but are rather viable options for educated men and women who desire counterparts with equal intellect. Rather than searching themselves, they just let their parents do it.  

Myth: The only thing a family looks for in a girl is his ability to be an efficient provider.

Fact: Get real, those are just basic requirements. Sort of like the fact that the guy has to have a high level of education, or that he has to say yes to everything the girl says. If parents have a beautiful daughter, they will want a handsome son-in-law. Sorry guys, you will have to get your teeth fixed. We live in a shallow world. Moreover, charisma and etiquette are also valued traits. If you are a people’s person, you are a parent’s person. 

Myth: Arranged marriages oppress love and affection, as they are based solely on reproductive competency to generate grandchildren.

Fact: Yes, grandchildren are desirable. When your own kids grow up to be disrespectful and selfish good-for-nothings, grandchildren become a beacon of hope. Then they can spoil the new babies to give their parents hell as payback. It’s the cycle of life. But arranged marriages do encourage love and affection. Premarital love is overrated; blinded by affection and attraction, often people overlook the fact that an individual has negative traits as well, such always leaving the toothpaste open, or never picking up clothes, or having an unrelenting love for yodeling. Western divorce rates attest to this fact. Arranged marriages force the arranged to expect the good and the bad, and resolve to deal with both. What makes a marriage strong is compromise; if partners can get along, then love is automatically fostered.  

Not convinced? Then go onto a random internet matchmaking website, input your data there, and a computer- that cannot know you as a unique individual, apart from the fact that you like long walks on the beach- will hook you up. In this advanced day and age, there is no need for friends and family to arrange you with a compatible other, for who needs them when technology has figured you out? In this advanced day and age, a computerized program is more trusted than actual people, and as long as your overbearing, prehistoric, selfish parents aren’t involved, then life is good.  

While the west considers it strange for an individual to trust his or her parents in making such an important and personal life decision, the east considers it strange that such an important life decision can be made without the advice of the people who care for you most. In many ways, eastern and western differences cannot be alleviated. But understanding the other side of the story is important in creating a global bond free of prejudices even as simple as marital paths. 

So in the end it doesn’t matter whether you’re the type of person who likes dinner and a movie with a wild night of a different kind of getting-to-know-each-other game to choose a life partner, or whether you’re the type of person who chooses a spouse based on the judgment of elders who have your best interests at heart. Either way you’re getting a life sentence of being in a monogamous relationship with bratty kids and a sinking career. That’s just life.